I was practically expelled from the Gospel Heralds – “invited to withdraw” – for almost a year and a half, in a terrible crisis of depression, when I became aware of the doctrinal deviations that were becoming more and more evident with the videos of meetings and supposed exorcisms that circulated abundantly from May 2017, exactly 2 years ago. Since my conscience – and even my logic and my faith – prevented me from accepting all that, I became persona non grata, and my condemnation was then right.

After leaving the heralds,   I spent six months treating my depression with strong anti-depressants, anti-anxiety drugs, I could not sleep or eat right, I spent hours and hours playing violent video games, movies and horror series, which I never I liked doing in life. I suffered with panic syndrome, did not want to leave home for anything, lacked the courage to even shower. I let my hair and beard grow, for lack of interest in dressing, and I could not talk to anyone.

I went to mass against my will and just entering the church reminded me of heralds, and this caused me horrible pain. I wanted to forget everything that had anything to do with them, but they even haunted my dreams … If it were not for my mother, I do not know where I would be today, because the heralds never offered me any reimbursement for all the service I gave them,  for no less than almost 20 years of my life. My brothers also welcomed me with generosity, I shared a room and a closet with my sister for a period, and another time I stayed with my brother and sister-in-law in their apartment.

So it was the first few months – a real hell, in which I came to think about ending life – that I went back to the “real world” in my hometown, not the “surreal world” they live in there.

After this period of medical treatment and therapy, I sought a herald priest – whom I still trusted – to ask for financial help, as I knew that I would not find a job in the short term, and would need to do some courses that would enable me to find a reasonable job. He ended up offering me – very reluctantly – a place to work in Sao Paulo, and I could stay in the house of another sister, now a member of the third order – consecrated family – of the heralds, who had invited me very insistently.

It did not take me more than a month and a half to realize that it would not help me, but to disrupt my emotional and spiritual detachment from them, since I was having to deal with them daily, the whole period of service, living in a house where Plinio’s photos , Lucilia and Joao were everywhere, having to attend masses celebrated by them, and receiving very badly for my financial needs. I would not even rent a room and provide my food, I repeat, after giving them almost 20 years of my life.

It was when I had the carelessness to criticize the way the heralds treated very poorly even those who were apostates (apostates, call internally …), paying the minimum minimum for people who had spent 10, 15 or 20 years in there, without receiving nothing for this, not even the payment of Social Security. Indeed, the same situation of so many, who were also heralds, who become member of the third order for fear of facing the world, proof of the psychological bonds with which they keep so many people who try – unsuccessfully – to get rid of this miserable past.

During this time, I only managed to get my sister out of her house, screaming in two situations, one in the middle of the night, at a time when I did not even have to go back to the inn where I had temporarily taken refuge. She disrupted me with my brother-in-law, and they both complained to the priest who “guided me”, leading him to believe that I was in fact not fit to work for the heralds at that time, something that I thank God today for allowing this to have happened . However, this revolted and hurt me deeply.Because of the heralds – my own sister, who  I once before helped when undergoing very difficult and delicate circumstances. I did everything to help, support, so that she could get where she arrived, that is, at least marry and have her own house, from where she  nos expelled me so coldly.

It is in this sense that I can understand the hatred, the revolt and the sorrow of all the mothers, aunts or sisters of all those and those who are prisoners in that unreal, imaginary world and – from time to time – spooky and devilish – which are the venues of this true sect, which one day may have been Catholic, but nowadays it is more than evident that they are all madmen driven by another madman, who is João Clá.

I never thought I’d go through this.And this upset me badly so that today I want to be totally free from all the prejudices and ideologies I learned in that prison, and unlearn everything I have learned, to learn differently. I wanted to break all those bars, to free so many boys and girls – especially my sister – but I realized  that my aggressive behavior would not vê worth it because it would just separate me more and more from my sister. That is why I use every opportunity to  alert unaware people, who ask for my opinion.

I remain unemployed, and funnily enough my relatives – so criticized internally there – are the ones who help me to keep up with the rent and food. I preferred to live alone, as this was the only way I found to find my inner and emotional balance, and to remake my ways. Today I actively collaborate with my parish, and I try to meet other real movements of the Church, such as the Charismatic Renewal, or Opus Dei. I have found a good girl, who is helping me a lot to organize me out here, and nothing is as good as feeling truly loved, without being a slave to anyone.