I was very young when I entered, I was only twelve years old.
Not so long ago a person of the Second Order had just passed away. I was very impressed with the story told about this, about her offering herself as an expiatory victim, someone who offers her soul to Our Lady as a tribute and She accepts: she gathers her soul and her suffering. I was delighted with this idea, I wanted it for myself, but think, absurdly, a twelve-year-old girl thinking of giving her soul to God, how imature I was to make such a decision, but at the time that idea was very “flashy”,like they say internally.
I  remember that I kept asking the superior to talk to him (then father João) to give me as an expiatory victim too and prayed that Our Lady would one day pick me up.
I got a word in the sacristy of the Auditorium of the Light, I talked to him and I remember to take the opportunity to ask: “If a person is not born with a vocation, is it possible for Our Lady to give it to her later?” He looked into my eyes and said, “Do not worry about it, because since Baptism, Our Lady has already given you the vocation.”
I was told that he had the discernment of the spirits, so I believed that he had seen the vocation in my soul. I was super “enraged” and I thought, “Wow, I’m in the right place”. I told him then, that he wanted to hand me over as an expiatory victim. He said that was not the case, that I was too young, that I would have to grow up for this. Despite his response, it was always in my mind, I felt I should do something else.
I received the habit and talked to one of the girls who lived with me and she told me that she had made the promise of Chastity. I always had this idea of ​​”I want to do something else”, I thought that would be the best thing for me. Obviously, at the time, we wanted his attention anyway, because, “Wow,, a contact with Monsignor”, and the promise would be a perfect “excuse”.
I asked the manager if she could make the promise, she advised me to write the formula and show her for approval. After that she would arrange a date with John. They already had a draft, I just copied it, I showed it to the person in charge, she authorized it. I was too young, you can see, the writing is very childish, I was very small.
It was after a Saturday meeting, he had already assisted everyone – because he passed by the Thabor auditorium  every Saturday meetings reserved only for the members of the second order – and he was a bit isolated out there, they called me and I I went to him. He read aloud what was written and said “I, (my name) …” and read everything with me, including his name that is quoted in the promise. Arriving at the part “I make the promise of perfect chastity for …,” he wrote, “for a year,” and finished reading. He signed and prayed with me three Hail Marys, gave a blessing and said, “From now on you are in a promise, I hope Our Lady helps you to fulfill it.” So I asked him for a prayer to pray during that one year, along with the promise I had made, he told me to pray a “There are moments,” that prayer made by Dr.Plinio Correa de Oliveira.
Every night I prayed it and tried to practice the promise of perfect chastity and thought, “Wow, I’m training for my vows now.”
I remember that I was so caught up in this idea of ​​promise, that when we were going to Sao Paulo, I would be watching over a lot if I looked at someone who had a world-like clothing – jeans and a T-shirt – and pay attention, I already felt in mortal sin and I thought, “at any moment I am going to die and I go to hell”. I was kind of paranoid at the time. So much so that after a year I did not even think about renewing the promise.
Today I think how they allowed a 12- year- old to make a promise without any preparation or even spiritual accompaniment?
As this report was made, the question came to me, why at no time did they advise me to talk to my family about this decision? If it was something right, why hide?
Can you imagine how many things are still being done in an underhand way, without parental consent and knowledge of the Church? What will you, parents, say ?
Is this the place you trust your children? What else do they hide?